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Ek Kolaveri, jo zindagi badal de..

November 24, 2011 1 comment

Mr Singh,

We salute your spirit and your valour… Well done !

You have made the nation proud

You have assaulted the shrewdest of shrewd

You have slapped the epitome of corruption

You have attacked “the cancer” in the national administration

It was a bit mild, we would have preferred something more…

But keep it up, you inspire us; ignite our souls; motivate us to get rid of such systemic garbage

Kudos to you; May there be many more like you!

Inquililab Jindabad,

CS

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The story of Klinku

September 18, 2011 2 comments

Warning: Not meant for animal lovers and sensitive people. If you still have the balls/guts/nuts/etc., then read on…

It was a dry summer afternoon. Klinku was wandering along the deserted Koripol Street.

President’s Rule had been imposed on the state – the Chief Minister had been bludgeoned by members of the opposition party – the Vikali Jan-Shokpal  Dal. Angry mobs had already devastated major portion of public property and had burnt down the public offices of the Shokpal Dal in and around the Koripol Naka.

Klinku was lost. Disowned by his family in chaos that engulfed the state of Kokachal Pradesh. He was alone, dirty, hungry but not petrified. He continued his search for the one thing that mattered the most – something to satisfy his gurgling tummy. Anything, just about anything would make his day – a piece of roti, bread or even a half empty packet of Parle-G biscuits – his all time favourite. But illa, it was not his lucky day.

Karam Gogoi, an adivasi warrior of the Samer tribe – one of the last few tribes in north-eastern jungles of Bharat, living under the constant fear of extinction, had a dilemma of his own. It had been almost a month since his family had a proper adivasi meal. The curfew had made things even worse. It was difficult to procure the essential components of their daily meal so they had to do with drinking water from the nearby jharna and eating bland rice.

The sun had already set upon Kokachal Pradesh. The dry heat was making Klinku dizzy, and the hunger and weakness had squeezed out all his energy. He fell asleep  near the bench behind the Municipal hospital with a weird thought troubling him – was it going to be his last and final sleep? He was unsure.

Karam was desperate. He could not bear the thought of his children dying of hunger and decided to venture out into the civilian lands – something that was forbidden in his community. He had heard of stories of their men getting caught, tortured and executed by members of the civil society. But the feeling of hope surpassed all other feelings that he carried with him.

The enclosure was cosy and comfortable; lying on a hay bale with sun rays filtering through the thatched roof. Is this heaven? Klinku was perplexed. He could smell something – the aroma of basmati rice was unmistakable – yes this was indeed heaven, he concluded. He had never imagined death could have been so easy and heaven would be such a wonderful place. He shed all his inhibitions and gorged on the rice. So what if it was partially cooked – it was good enough for his ailing tummy. After finishing around two – three kilos of rice Klinku was back. He had never felt that way in years and could not believe that death could be so rewarding. He went back to sleep with a euphoric feeling of afterlife.

Karam had never felt better in his life. He was the first among the Samers to have successfully made it to the civilian area and back. And he had successfully laid his hands on what he wanted  – his prize was right now sleeping cosily in the beetle leaf thatched dog hut. His two beautiful wives Jali and Kali were preparing the fire for cooking while he was preparing the bamboo stick he had personally selected from the jungle for that day. The children were admiring the cute little thing asleep inside the dog hut, totally ignorant of its inevitable fate. They say – ignorance is bliss. So be it.

Ingredients and accessories (from Jali Gogoi’s notes):

  1. Water soaked Rice (preferably basmati) – Around 3 kgs
  2. Coconut milk – half a litre
  3. Vikrandi oil – 2 tbsp
  4. Bamboo stick coated with a thin layer of vikrandi oil
  5. An extremely hungry and weak dojjy (preferably from NE)
  6. Jungle fire for  cooking

Preparation:

  • Mix the coconut milk and vikrandi oil to prepare an emulsion and keep aside
  • Cook the rice for 5 mins only on medum heat. Take it off the flame and add the emulsion prepared earlier.
  • Feed the hungry dojjy with the rice until it falls asleep. Then tie its limbs to the opposite ends of the bamboo (with due respect). Hang the bamboo horizontally over the flame. Ensure that there is no direct flame on the dojjy‘s body.
  • Take it down after 25-30 mins. Make a logitudinal incision on the ventral side of the dojjy to cut open the belly to reveal the fully cooked rice – Adivasi style.
  • Serve hot.

Moral: Heaven might be better than death, but death is definitely better than hell on earth!!

*All names changed to protect the identities of the creatures (including the dog)

**What one may like as food, others may shunn… Basically in life, one must have funn.

PS: I love dogs as well as chicken. But I eat only one of them.

I have some queries ma’am

What is wrong if …

  • a person strives to become famous and uses his/her fame for the betterment of the nation?
  • a yoga guru tries to play the role of a “toilet cleaner” and tries to sanitize the nation?
  • DJ, Karan, Aslam, Sukhi, and Laxman decide to kill the defence minister?
  • What happens when …

  • the cabinet is full of hypocrite bastards with arses smelling of double standards?
  • the country’s PM is a senile gentleman who prefers to hide beneath the Italian Ghagra rather than gracefully resign?
  • we have a president whose role probably she herself does not understand?
  • the Italian Ghagra becomes so powerful, that it can literally shroud the entire nation in the darkness of corruption?
  • Why is/does …

  • the TC at the railway station prefers to let it happen and then provides the perpetrators with two alternatives ? (ek case mein receipt milega sir, but aapko court mein bhi aana padega)
  • the non-corrupt path is so screwed up by the rules/legislations, that the only alternative is corruption?
  • the pace of infrastructure development so “amazing”, that event tortoises seem to be breaking the sound barrier?
  • politics the #1 business in India?
  • Can somebody answer please?