Home > Government, Stupidity > The little bitches are in town…

The little bitches are in town…

8th of November, 2011. A historic day in our life. A day of achievement, fullfilment and a vitamin-C supplement.

It all started with a ring on the doorbell. As the ring grew louder, it pulled us out of our slumber. It was 12 in the afternoon. The three of us roomies had planned to do something concrete that day and were on a synchronised sick leave. November-december is “sick leave planning” time (just as february-march is “tax planning” time).

The bell continued to haunt us. We normally ignore door bells during the 9:00 to 18:00 frame if we happen to be around. And we ignored this one as well, to our own peril.

Within seconds, our fans slowed down; the radio – our electronic lullaby – playing in the background went mute; and we, sick.

With bad breath as our companion, we rushed down in search of the MSEB dude who was courteous enough to have attempted to warn us of the impending disaster. But we were late – the electric trip switch to our apartment was already pulled down and the enclosure locked. Could it be that Neo (“the One” from “The Matrix”) was newly recruited in MSEB? We were not too sure!

We roamed around the society looking for Neo as well as other possible offenders, but were shocked to find both missing. What bothered us more was that we were still 30 bucks short of the cut-out limit of 1200 rupees.

Thanks Mr. Murphie – When things have to go wrong, they will.

But we are software engineers – mostly reactive, rarely proactive. We jumped into fire fighting mode:

  • A (that’s me) – went online to pay the dues
  • B and C collected the online receipt printout from D (who was luckily not sick that day).

They managed to pay the rest of the dues (for oiling the machinery) and within 2 hours of the payment, we were back in the grid. By the way, the “rest of the dues” were collected in an official/legal manner. None of the workers in the local office were ready to help us out for a quick buck. We are proud of you Anna; I was extremely happy to witness this positive development in our system – things are definitely improving (no sarcasm here).

And no, we were definitely not ashamed for trying to bribe. You know, we were simply testing the system.

I wonder why I wonder how
That it seems that the power’s getting stronger everyday
I feel a strength, an inner fire
But I’m scared I won’t be able to control it anymore

And then, to make the rest of the day productive, we decided it was time to take action. Action against our slender,delicate roommates who were accused of sharing rental space, but not paying the dues. Of sharing our food as if it was some Shahi Langar. Of troubling us in the morning and eating up our valuable washing/cleaning time. They were members of the opposite sex who had invaded our space in the month of March and have been with us since then (don’t start salivating now).

We felt a little sad as they were the weak ones. They were our little bitches. We had planned for some fatalities as well in case things did’nt go as planned. Fortunately for us, they were also members of the other species – the bloody roaches (gotcha!!).

The combing operation had begun. With a can of LAAL Hit and a lethal WMD (my expired credit card), we set out on a rampage. There were heavy casualties on the opposite side. We continued feverishly, but they outnumbered us heavily!

There’s a time to live and a time to die,
When it’s time to meet the Maker,
There’s a time to live, but isn’t it strange
That as soon as you’re born you’re dying!!

The next day claimed its first casualty on our end (I was down with fever). Finally, both parties called for a truce and a cease fire was ordered. The bitches continue to live on, but have been restricted to within the newly drawn LOC – our Prestige FLITE induction cooker (some of them still survive and replicate inside this warm, cosy enclosure).

All is well.

Satyameva Jayate!
CS

PS: Embedded lyrics – “The Clairvoyant” (Iron Maiden)

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  1. November 14, 2011 at 2:31 pm

    Liked the narration and the flow that is coupled with a right dose of humour. – Pradeep Koirala

    • November 14, 2011 at 5:39 pm

      Thanks PK.

      As a great Atma has said – “The Atman is sexless …”

  2. November 14, 2011 at 4:38 pm

    I am a War Veteran, having fought 4 Major Roach Wars and emerged a loser. And take it from me, the “Hit” method aint helpful. You will kill the representatives but not the ones who are resting and growing inside the eggs, safely away from your reach. And following the laws of the species on Earth, they will emerge stronger the next time you realise that they need to be taught a lesson.

    Coincidentally, last one week. I had decided that I need to act smartly towards this issue. My 2 cents on what helps our bitches grow;

    a. We are so disgustingly unclean that we fail to clear of the kitchen mess. And provide valuable nutrition for these folks to enjoy and prosper
    Solution: Keep the kitchen clean

    b. We may kill the ones we find, but we cannot find all of them, and certainly not the safely protected eggs. So the process must last for maybe weeks in order to achieve full victory.

    ==> Kill them using the same thing which makes them prosper – poison the food source.

    For this, after having read a ‘recipe’ online, I prepared a dosage of

    1. Flour (1 tbsp) {I used besan as nothing else was available…my roomie had finished my atta}
    2. Boric Poweder,(1tbsp)
    3. Sugar(1 pinch)

    Prepared a dough out of these 3 by mixing little water and mortein cockroach liquid. Made small balls and kept in all potential places.

    Nothing for a day or two. And then it all started. Dead roaches all over the kitchen floor since then and its all getting cleared. And all you need to do is clean the stuff regularly to prevent the stench from getting you asthma…:)

    The solution was so great that even my experienced maid asked me about it, and i readily handed over a small amount of boric acid packed in news paper. Will take reports from her soon enough.

    • November 14, 2011 at 5:41 pm

      Hahaha Mr Samurai, this is called “Bitching the Bitches with Boric Bullets” … worth a try. Will keep you updated.

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